Dejah Thoris (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dejah_thoris) wrote2015-09-14 05:55 pm
dejah_thoris) wrote2015-09-14 05:55 pm
[oom] Regent's Quarters, Hall of Science, Helium.
The air tastes different in Helium. Even behind the walls of the city, she can feel the breath of the desert on her skin. She lightly touches each item on her desk: the pumping station schematics, the atmospheric sensor array data, the curriculum for the winter session, the trade agreements, John's sketchbook.
Her hand hesitates, and then picks it up, running her thumb over the dark leather. The paper is yellowed with age, the edge of the pages softened by the number of times she'd turned them. For the first time since John's death, she didn't feel the need to open it. To look upon the images he drew of her and him together. For the first time since his death, she didn't feel that cold pressure weighing down her chest, stealing the life and breath from her body. All she felt was a warmth, a deep and abiding love. They had a beautiful life together, but it was over. That was the past.
She holds the book close to her chest, her gaze shifting back to the room. It's only a few steps to her bed and the stack of books on the bedside table. She opens the drawer and tucks the journal away with a reverent touch. His ghost seems to have grown quiet in recent weeks. She could never forget him. But he is a memory now, and she is still alive. It's easier to say that now, all things considered.
There's a strange shift, she's discovered, coming back after being away in Milliways so long. It's as if the Bar has kept her memories of the last few moments here in stasis. It doesn't feel like she's been away for weeks. It feels like mere moments have passed. She knows her attendants have only been gone a few minutes. She knows precisely where to pick up, what she was working on.
And yet, she still holds in her mind the hours and days she's spent away. Her hand touches Curtis's hat at her belt and she brings it to her nose. His scent is still rich and warm, and she can still taste him on her lips. She has a new agenda now, new data to review and research. She'd best get busy.
~~~
"My Jeddak." The admiral of Helium's navy waited at the threshold to be acknowledged.
Dejah's head rose at the familiar voice and she smiled. "Jedwar. Kantos. Please come in. Would you like some tea?"
Kanto's smile didn't fade even as he frowned. He glanced at her desk and the piles of papers, books and scrolls. "Is there some sort of special occasion?"
She tracked his gaze and gave him a crooked grin. "Not particularly. We haven't had a chance to talk of late, outside your briefings. I've missed our little after dinner conversations. If you're expected elsewhere, I won't keep you."
"No, it's quite all right. I don't have anything to report. Or to do really, for the rest of the afternoon. The second and the fifth are engaging in maneuvers outside the walls today. I thought I'd invite you down to watch, see if you wanted to come down and inspect the troops."
Dejah gestured and her handmaiden nodded, disappearing for a moment, only to return carrying a fresh kettle of hot water. The young woman set about making a pot for the two of them. "A fresh new crop of officer candidates, I suppose."
"It never hurts to look," Kantos said, finding an empty spot on the couch in front of the fire and flopping into it heavily. "Are you feeling all right, my Jeddak?"
"I am." Dejah joined him, shifting a pile of books to a side table before settling into her favorite chair. "Though I'm curious why you'd' ask."
"No reason," the Jedwar said. The corners of his mouth drew down in amiable scrutiny. "You look different is all."
Dejah's gaze dropped and suddenly she felt a particular interest in smoothing out the wrinkles in her skirts. She couldn't keep the smile from her face, regardless how hard she tried. "Different? What do you mean — different?"
"Lighter, somehow." He narrowed his eyes and tilted his head. "Dejah Thoris, have you finally met someone? Is it the senator from the Verala district? No? That new researcher then — what's his name? Alamak."
Dejah's grin broadened until she was beaming, her gaze still focused on an invisible speck of lint now. "No," she laughed. "No, I haven't met anyone in Helium, Kantos. I'm sure you'd know if I had."
"I don't believe you. Look at you. You're radiant. Tell me his name." His tone was jovial, but there was a playful edge of protectiveness in it, too.
"My old friend," she said, "you wouldn't believe me if I told you."
"Try me."
She glanced up at him, one eyebrow cocked. "If I do tell you, you must promise me that what I share with you doesn't leave this room."
~~~
Three hours later, they'd switched to pimalia wine with lunch.
"So, you discover a magical tavern in your quarters and you don't invite me along to join you. I have to tell you, Dejah. I'm hurt. Wounded, even."
"Don't make jokes," she said. "You would have thought I'd lost my mind, once and for all."
"I would, if not for that." He gestured to Curtis's hat, lying across her knee where she could stroke it like it was a pet sorak. "It's been more than fifty ords, but I know still remember what a human male smells like. Strong enough to hunt them blindfolded."
"It's not an unpleasant smell," she said, idly defensive. "In fact, quite the opposite."
"Yes, well. I'm sure John would be much relieved to hear it."
Dejah grinned, stroking the hat, but not saying anything.
"You're sure about him, then? He's not one of…"
"...no. No, I'm quite sure. It was the first thing I checked. They have a particular bioelectric signature, as do humans. And his is — it's human but slightly different."
"Because in his universe, he's dead." He still didn't quite know how to wrap his mind around that, but Dejah clearly did, and that was enough for him.
"Yes, precisely. And I didn't feel right bringing him here under a false visage without you knowing."
"I appreciate that. It's one thing to be responsible for the security of the palace, another thing entirely to find out your own Jeddak is working to subvert your best efforts."
"I would never. In fact, if I'm interpreting the data correctly, the detection grid will still sense his presence. It just won't alert because it will appear to be one of my own devices."
"Out strolling the corridors without you."
"No. No, that's not going to happen. In fact, if the sensor readings do not detect my presence within a ten meter radius of the device, I'll have it sound the alert. And if I, personally, do not enter a code into the system every hour he's here, it will sound the alert. I do not want to introduce even the most infinitesimal chance they could be exploit his presence."
"Good. That makes me feel somewhat better about this little experiment of yours."
Dejah drew her thumb along the glass, worrying her lower lip for a moment. "You're all right with this?"
Kantos set his glass down and leaned forward, making sure to catch her gaze. "I can tell he is special to you, my Jeddak. I can see a light in you I have not seen in many ords. If he is responsible for that, then I am perfectly all right with this. Helium's Jeddak deserves more than a ghost to rule at her side. And John Carter would not ever want you to be alone." His voice gentled at the end. "Dejah, if you would allow it, I want to meet him."
"Of course. Of course, absolutely. It may not be for a few weeks, yet. I'm not sure he's ready to be immersed in our world's strangeness just yet."
"And if that door shows up again, you'll invite me through?"
"If there's a way to make that happen, I will, yes." She smiles at his ridiculously boyish affect as he turns the charm all the way up. "But so far, it's only ever manifested when I am alone. Though I did meet Tars Tarkas on the other side, so I would say it's not impossible that you could be invited at any time."
"Oh good. I could use a holiday."
"You should ask your commanding officer for time off every once in awhile then. I'm sure she'd approve it."
"Pff, she's a taskmaster. I'd be lucky if she didn't bust me back to ensign."
Dejah threw her napkin at him, laughing under her breath.
~~~
Dejah nodded off while working on the sensor data and somehow, managed to fumble her way back into bed. Curtis would know she was coming back. She could spend one night in her own bed. And in the morning, she'd collect everything she'd discovered and return to the bar. Numbers still marching through her head, she fell asleep with that ridiculous hat tucked under her cheek, her nose buried in the soft wool.
Her hand hesitates, and then picks it up, running her thumb over the dark leather. The paper is yellowed with age, the edge of the pages softened by the number of times she'd turned them. For the first time since John's death, she didn't feel the need to open it. To look upon the images he drew of her and him together. For the first time since his death, she didn't feel that cold pressure weighing down her chest, stealing the life and breath from her body. All she felt was a warmth, a deep and abiding love. They had a beautiful life together, but it was over. That was the past.
She holds the book close to her chest, her gaze shifting back to the room. It's only a few steps to her bed and the stack of books on the bedside table. She opens the drawer and tucks the journal away with a reverent touch. His ghost seems to have grown quiet in recent weeks. She could never forget him. But he is a memory now, and she is still alive. It's easier to say that now, all things considered.
There's a strange shift, she's discovered, coming back after being away in Milliways so long. It's as if the Bar has kept her memories of the last few moments here in stasis. It doesn't feel like she's been away for weeks. It feels like mere moments have passed. She knows her attendants have only been gone a few minutes. She knows precisely where to pick up, what she was working on.
And yet, she still holds in her mind the hours and days she's spent away. Her hand touches Curtis's hat at her belt and she brings it to her nose. His scent is still rich and warm, and she can still taste him on her lips. She has a new agenda now, new data to review and research. She'd best get busy.
~~~
"My Jeddak." The admiral of Helium's navy waited at the threshold to be acknowledged.
Dejah's head rose at the familiar voice and she smiled. "Jedwar. Kantos. Please come in. Would you like some tea?"
Kanto's smile didn't fade even as he frowned. He glanced at her desk and the piles of papers, books and scrolls. "Is there some sort of special occasion?"
She tracked his gaze and gave him a crooked grin. "Not particularly. We haven't had a chance to talk of late, outside your briefings. I've missed our little after dinner conversations. If you're expected elsewhere, I won't keep you."
"No, it's quite all right. I don't have anything to report. Or to do really, for the rest of the afternoon. The second and the fifth are engaging in maneuvers outside the walls today. I thought I'd invite you down to watch, see if you wanted to come down and inspect the troops."
Dejah gestured and her handmaiden nodded, disappearing for a moment, only to return carrying a fresh kettle of hot water. The young woman set about making a pot for the two of them. "A fresh new crop of officer candidates, I suppose."
"It never hurts to look," Kantos said, finding an empty spot on the couch in front of the fire and flopping into it heavily. "Are you feeling all right, my Jeddak?"
"I am." Dejah joined him, shifting a pile of books to a side table before settling into her favorite chair. "Though I'm curious why you'd' ask."
"No reason," the Jedwar said. The corners of his mouth drew down in amiable scrutiny. "You look different is all."
Dejah's gaze dropped and suddenly she felt a particular interest in smoothing out the wrinkles in her skirts. She couldn't keep the smile from her face, regardless how hard she tried. "Different? What do you mean — different?"
"Lighter, somehow." He narrowed his eyes and tilted his head. "Dejah Thoris, have you finally met someone? Is it the senator from the Verala district? No? That new researcher then — what's his name? Alamak."
Dejah's grin broadened until she was beaming, her gaze still focused on an invisible speck of lint now. "No," she laughed. "No, I haven't met anyone in Helium, Kantos. I'm sure you'd know if I had."
"I don't believe you. Look at you. You're radiant. Tell me his name." His tone was jovial, but there was a playful edge of protectiveness in it, too.
"My old friend," she said, "you wouldn't believe me if I told you."
"Try me."
She glanced up at him, one eyebrow cocked. "If I do tell you, you must promise me that what I share with you doesn't leave this room."
~~~
Three hours later, they'd switched to pimalia wine with lunch.
"So, you discover a magical tavern in your quarters and you don't invite me along to join you. I have to tell you, Dejah. I'm hurt. Wounded, even."
"Don't make jokes," she said. "You would have thought I'd lost my mind, once and for all."
"I would, if not for that." He gestured to Curtis's hat, lying across her knee where she could stroke it like it was a pet sorak. "It's been more than fifty ords, but I know still remember what a human male smells like. Strong enough to hunt them blindfolded."
"It's not an unpleasant smell," she said, idly defensive. "In fact, quite the opposite."
"Yes, well. I'm sure John would be much relieved to hear it."
Dejah grinned, stroking the hat, but not saying anything.
"You're sure about him, then? He's not one of…"
"...no. No, I'm quite sure. It was the first thing I checked. They have a particular bioelectric signature, as do humans. And his is — it's human but slightly different."
"Because in his universe, he's dead." He still didn't quite know how to wrap his mind around that, but Dejah clearly did, and that was enough for him.
"Yes, precisely. And I didn't feel right bringing him here under a false visage without you knowing."
"I appreciate that. It's one thing to be responsible for the security of the palace, another thing entirely to find out your own Jeddak is working to subvert your best efforts."
"I would never. In fact, if I'm interpreting the data correctly, the detection grid will still sense his presence. It just won't alert because it will appear to be one of my own devices."
"Out strolling the corridors without you."
"No. No, that's not going to happen. In fact, if the sensor readings do not detect my presence within a ten meter radius of the device, I'll have it sound the alert. And if I, personally, do not enter a code into the system every hour he's here, it will sound the alert. I do not want to introduce even the most infinitesimal chance they could be exploit his presence."
"Good. That makes me feel somewhat better about this little experiment of yours."
Dejah drew her thumb along the glass, worrying her lower lip for a moment. "You're all right with this?"
Kantos set his glass down and leaned forward, making sure to catch her gaze. "I can tell he is special to you, my Jeddak. I can see a light in you I have not seen in many ords. If he is responsible for that, then I am perfectly all right with this. Helium's Jeddak deserves more than a ghost to rule at her side. And John Carter would not ever want you to be alone." His voice gentled at the end. "Dejah, if you would allow it, I want to meet him."
"Of course. Of course, absolutely. It may not be for a few weeks, yet. I'm not sure he's ready to be immersed in our world's strangeness just yet."
"And if that door shows up again, you'll invite me through?"
"If there's a way to make that happen, I will, yes." She smiles at his ridiculously boyish affect as he turns the charm all the way up. "But so far, it's only ever manifested when I am alone. Though I did meet Tars Tarkas on the other side, so I would say it's not impossible that you could be invited at any time."
"Oh good. I could use a holiday."
"You should ask your commanding officer for time off every once in awhile then. I'm sure she'd approve it."
"Pff, she's a taskmaster. I'd be lucky if she didn't bust me back to ensign."
Dejah threw her napkin at him, laughing under her breath.
~~~
Dejah nodded off while working on the sensor data and somehow, managed to fumble her way back into bed. Curtis would know she was coming back. She could spend one night in her own bed. And in the morning, she'd collect everything she'd discovered and return to the bar. Numbers still marching through her head, she fell asleep with that ridiculous hat tucked under her cheek, her nose buried in the soft wool.